In a recent discussion on ‘The Kardashians’, Khloe Kardashian openly talks about the ‘guilt’ she felt after she took her newborn son home from the surrogate mother. She said it felt “transactional” and she feels less connected with her baby. Since opening up, she has been praised for her honesty and transparency around surrogacy.
This opens the discussion about how many intended or new parents may be feeling during or after the surrogacy process.
It is important to remember that the specific circumstances and legal arrangements surrounding surrogacy can vary significantly depending on the situation. As legal advisers, we assist with the legal matters but know that is just one part of a huge journey for intended parents. We have supported many intended parents and the following tips are helpful for connection and involvement:
Establish clear communication: ensure that you have open and honest communication with the surrogate and any involved parties, such as the surrogate agency or legal professionals. Clarify expectations, discuss the level of contact you desire during the process and agree upon a communication plan that works for everyone involved. Ongoing contact with the surrogate mother is important, especially if you are overseas. For example, the consent requirement on the application for a Parental Order is eased if there is a good, clear communication channel.
Maintain a respectful relationship with the surrogate: building a respectful and compassionate relationship with the surrogate can create a positive connection. There is a lot of trust involved with surrogacy, and a great connection between all parties can help you feel more connected to your baby. Show gratitude and appreciation for the surrogate’s role in the process and consider sending occasional updates or small gestures following on from the birth.
Visit whenever possible: Try and plan a visit to spend time with the surrogate mother and unborn baby. Regular visits can help develop a bond. This can be difficult if they are overseas, however, utilising technology can be beneficial. Hearing about movements and being able to experience the feel of those aspects can help create a sense of journeying together.
Utilise technology: Take advantage of technology to bridge the distance between you and the surrogate mother if they are not close by or are overseas. Schedule video calls to stay updated on baby’s development and check in on the health of the surrogate and her family and how she is feeling throughout.
Respect boundaries and legal agreements: always respect the boundaries set in the surrogacy agreement and any legal arrangements. Be mindful of the surrogate comfort level and any restrictions or guidelines established. The law is in the process of changing regarding surrogacy arrangement in the UK. It is important to stay informed and updated about those changes and how they can affect your surrogacy journey, as although only one part of it, the legal aspects are important for creating a further sense of belonging.
If you are considering surrogacy or have started the process and have unanswered questions. A City Law Firm has some of the best international surrogacy lawyers who can provide advice on any queries which you may have.
We provide a free complimentary 30-minute consultation with our family law Solicitor, Laura Jennings. This consultation is available for anyone going through or thinking about surrogacy and allows you to sit down and explore your options with an experienced specialist. Understanding the legal position and an overview of the considerations, can really help start your journey in a positive way. Communication is key throughout and it is a brave intended parent, such as Khole Kardashian, who enables these conversations to be had.